Memorable Jokes

A source of Good humor, Jokes, Funny pictures and giggles and through laughter we can lead the world to health, happiness, and peace.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Kalembe

Marriage

Kalembe's Girl Friend: I'm one year older than
you....will it bad for our marriage?
Kalembe: No, not at all......We'll marry in next year


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Lesbian

At a party a Kalembe sees a beautiful girl and invites her
to dance with him...

Kalembe: Can I dance with u?
The Girl: I'm sorry im a lesbian...
Kalembe: Its ok its ok... I'm a Kibwezian

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hidden Camera's

Mrs... Kalembe caught Kalembe searching high and low all
around his living room.

Mrs. Kalembe: 'What are you searching for?'

Mr.. Kalembe: 'Hidden cameras!'

Mrs. Kalembe: 'And what makes you think that there are
hidden cameras here?'

Mr. Kalembe: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am
doing. Every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching KBC channel
1'. How does he know that?'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Relaxing

Kalembe was enjoying the sun at the beach in Mtwapa. A lady
came and asked him, 'Are you relaxing?'

Kalembe answered, 'No, I am Kalembe'

Another guy came and asked him the same question.

Kalembe answered, 'No! No! Me Kalembe!'

A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Kalembe was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another person soaking in the sun.

He went up to him and asked,

'Are you Relaxing?'

The other man was a lot more educated and answered,
'Yes, I am relaxing.'

Kalembe slapped him on his face and said,

'Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you are
sitting over here!'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Heaven

Kalembe died and went to heaven.

When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that
new rules are in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order
to gain admittance each soul must answer two simple questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T'.
2. How many seconds are there in a year?

Kalembe thought for a few minutes and answered.

1. The two days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said,

'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer
I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?'

Kalembe replied, 'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd, etc...'

Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Wash Basin

Kalembe goes to a hotel in Machakos and eats heartily.

After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing
the basin instead...

The manager comes running and asks him,

'Sir, what are you doing?'

Kalembe replies, ' Read this board here, it says '
Wash Basin '.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

English Exam

Kalembe finished his English exam and came out.

His friends asked him how he did his exam. He replied
'Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I
thought, thought, and thought, at last I wrote THUNK!!!'

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Answer the following questions in brief

Kalembe is appearing for his University final examination.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the
question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his
shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt and
throws it away as well, followed by his pant, socks and watch.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is
going on.
' I am only following the instructions here,' he
says, ' it says here,
'Answer the following questions in brief '.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Essay

The English teacher told all the students in the class to
write an essay on a football match. All were busy writing except Kalembe
He has written. 'DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH !!! '

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Petition Court server

The Petition server: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you
this election petition

Kalemebe : Why did you come so far ? Instead you could have
posted it.

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Coffee Shop

Kalembe and his wife went to a coffee shop .

Kalembe said ' Hurry Up Drink quickly.....!!!'.

His Wife asked why...???
Kalembe said Hot Coffee shs. and, Cold Coffee shs.10'

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Letter to his Son

Kalembe was writing something very slowly.
A Friend came and asked: ' Why are you writing so slowly? '

Kalembe replies
' I'm writing to my 6 years old son,... he can't read very fast.

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