Memorable Jokes

A source of Good humor, Jokes, Funny pictures and giggles and through laughter we can lead the world to health, happiness, and peace.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Gorilla

A married couple at the Zoo walks past the gorilla enclosure.

Says the woman: 'Mark, do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior???

Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts to it and see how horny it gets just as men do'.

Mary then exposes one of her breasts, and, sure enough the gorilla begins to get a hard-on and grabs the bars of the enclosure as if it wanted to break free.

'See - says the woman - 'Now I know why you react the way you do, men can't control their animal instincts just like gorillas can't'.

Says Mark: 'Now expose both breasts and let us see what happens'.

The woman exposes both breasts to the gorilla and it gets very excited and is now desperately trying to escape from the enclosure.

Says Mark: 'This is incredible, now pull your skirt up, turn around and expose your bum to it and let us see what will happen'!!!

The woman pull her skirt up turns around with her bum to the gorilla which by now, extremely aroused, breaks free from the enclosure, grabs the woman and starts yanking the clothes off her.

The woman yells: 'Mark, what do I do now? Please, help me'!!!

Mark replies: 'Now give it one of the excuses that you usually give me:

That you don't feel like it

That you have a headache

That you're tired

That your throat is aching

That it is still too early

That I must understand you as a woman

That you are depressed

That you are in one of those days

That you are having a very busy week

That all you need is just to cuddle up

That you're tensed up

That you have to wake up very early tomorrow

That you woke up very early today

That you walked for long and your feet are aching

That caresses and hugs is all that you want today

That you're so tensed up that all you want is a good
massage to make you relax

That you feel like watching TV

That you don't wanna miss the soapies

That you're from the Hair salon and therefore you can't move and spoil your hair

Go on, explain all that to the gorilla and if it understands, if you can persuade it, then I promise you that from today on I'll accept your excuses'

Monday, August 04, 2008

Newfangled Diagnosis Machine

One day, John’s tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor’s office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in

15 minutes but, first he’d have to give a urine sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.

“So that tennis elbow is really acting up, huh?” the doctor said.

“The nurse must have told you,” said John, wondering how the Doctor knew.

“No. It was in your urinalysis.” and the doctor continued to say that he had just purchased this new machine that could diagnose every physical condition with total accuracy based on the urine contents. John didn’t believe a word of this but he did agree to provide another urine sample on check-up visit.

Two days later, John was sitting at the kitchen table with his wife and his teenage daughter. He was telling them about this ridiculous machine when he had an idea. John decided to have a little fun with the doctor and pissed in the bottle as did his wife and teenage daughter. Then while walking to his garage he had yet another brainstorm. John put a few drops of oil from his crankcase in the jar and even beat off and put a few drops of nurse semen in the jar. He drove to the doctors office, shook the bottle, then handed it to the nurse. This time his urinalysis took half an hour. Finally, John was ushered in to see the doctor.

The doctor looked at him with an agitated look in his face and said, “I’ve got some bad news. Your daughter is pregnant, your wife’s got V. D., your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don’t stop beating off that tennis elbow is never gonna heal!