Memorable Jokes

A source of Good humor, Jokes, Funny pictures and giggles and through laughter we can lead the world to health, happiness, and peace.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Choosing a wife

You never know with these people called Men.....Guy, If you were the one which one would you have chosen?

Choosing a wife.......
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they
do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done,
new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed..

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know. You can never tell what they base their judgement on.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Bad Old Man

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler
he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring
and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you
understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40, 000," the
jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated,
by cheque. “I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll
write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and
I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.

"There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had with her?”

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Something Special For His Birthday

It was Jim’s birthday, and he was considered to be an “old man” by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim’s friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker.

The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said “Hi I’m your birthday present!”

Startled, he asked “What am I supposed to do with you?”

“I’m yours for super sex,” she answers.

So Jim replied “Well, I’m 75 years old so I’ll have the soup.”


Thursday, February 05, 2009

Ghosts

A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the
Supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people
here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do
any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their
hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone
here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three
students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one
question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One
student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He
takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years
I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have slept with
a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his
way up to the podium.

The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a
ghost." The student replies, "Ghost? Damn..... From back there I thought
you said 'goats'!"