Memorable Jokes

A source of Good humor, Jokes, Funny pictures and giggles and through laughter we can lead the world to health, happiness, and peace.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

kibanda language

So you have all have been to the mighty kibanda for a selection of mouth watering dishes, but most of you guyz barely understand the logistics of operations there, leave alone the street language.

So here's a compilation of some of the delicacies available on demand- in kibanda language;

1. Chapati dunga - this is where a chapati is rolled and pierced with a fork

2.Chapati dondosa - this is where a chapati is served whole and served while floating on thick soup.

3. Chapati msalaba - this is where a chapati is sliced into four equal quarters. The cuttings resemble a cross

4. Chapati kifagio- this is where a chapati is sliced into thin many vertical strips

5. Chapati chafua- this is where a chapati is sliced into many piecesas possible. Usually they are sliced into squares that are approximately 3.5 centimeteres squared (do the math)

6. Chapati mbao/ chapati mawe - this is a dry chapati, those that break easily like a piece of wood

7. Ugali saucer/ wembe/discount- that one i know you know

8. Ugali mlima- this is an enourmous chunk of ugali served only to professionals and is usually served with a warning. "ukikosa kuimaliza, utaongeza kumi".

9. Tumbukiza - this is where meat is overboiled until the meat is very soft. Usually served without salt. Tumbukiza special has no bones

10. Kahawa kifo- so you have done kahawa chungu! This is worse. It usually contains lots of "kahawa no 1" and is overboiled till its black. its then served without sugar. Its literally burnt coffee

11. Kaa ndani- this is where a mandazi is made an incision at the sideand a delicacy inserted inside of it. So kaa ndani ya sausage is a mandazi with a sausage in it.

12. Jembe ya meno- toothpick

13. Samaki cassette- this is fish which has bones in it. Its served whole whereby a person starts eating it on one side( side A ). Once done, its then turned to the other side (side B). A successful completed eating mission is certified once the only thing left on the plate are intact bones of the fish and the head.

14. Karara- chapati nusu

15. Combat- Githeri

16. Mix/ missile / kadhalika- this is mchanganyiko of everything on the soup menu. Involves madondo, sukuma, nyama, ndengu etc. Na inasemwa na style, so dont go ati nipatie missile 20!It goes like "haya, hebu nibonde na chapo mix ya kau fourty, na ikuje chapchap kabla niachwe na ndege.

17. Teargas- pilipili

18. C.N.N...Chapati Nne Ndengu

19. U.S.A...Ugali Sukuma Avocado

20. Chapati Marashi….Where chapo is passed over beef stew ndio inuke kamanyama

21. Githeri Migingo...This is githeri that has just 1 potato at the middle

22. The award winning combination from K.M (Kariokor ya K.U) .... '1.5 stage yote' - that is one & a half chapatis, plus every form of stew made that day...ndengu, mboco,sukuma,cabbage,nyama
piece tatu, soup etc etc)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Just For Laughs - The Miracle of Toliet Paper (Funny!)

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your Breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds every day!"

Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he said, "Worked for your bum, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man!